I have been so busy, as usual. It is the time of year for WAY to many doctors appointments and check-ups, as winter has always been my downfall.
My “demons,” “bad thoughts,” “panic,” “anxieties,” seem to come back at this time of year.
However, this year they aren’t coming back and I will you briefly tell you why I am some what confident of this.
I can never truly believe I will not get sick again as the past 8 years will always haunt my mind and make me think that this will never go away.
These thoughts have already crossed my mind but I am not letting them take over this year. I will fight back. I will not let them win. Because that is what they want!
They want that reaction. They want you to give in. And that is really what they have been getting from me every year. They have been “BEATING” me down so much that I have to succumb. I have to give in and let them win again and again.. and again..
This year I am trying a new regime of things to keep me busy, to keep my mind going, to stay active, to not lose sight of my main goal. Which is : “Getting better for good, not only for a summer or a few months. I will Stay Healthy all Year!”
Not having to worry about every stupid winter and what might happen. And panic about when I am going to get sick. And can I do this? Or will that make me worse? Or should I save because I might not be able to work? Or should I buy something because I have a little money now? These thoughts plague your mind consistently and will always get the best of you. If you let them…
Will I have to go live with my parents again? Will I have to consistently be worried I might harm myself? Am I fat? Am I ugly? Everyone thinks I am stupid and worthless? Why should I even live anymore? I am ultimately just a burden to everyone around me, so might as well end it. Right?
Well, no. That is not right, but it is what we think when we are so low.
Now how can we stop that?
Well I dont know that we can. But we can be kind to our minds. We can work with them. And slowly but surely we can tell them this may be a judgment we are making in a time of need,or in a time of panic. If we just let it ride its course it will pass and we too will see the “brighter light at the end of our LONG painful tunnels.” We will see that there is good, when it doesn’t seem like their ever could be.
We to, (People with a terrifying, scary, un-imaginable mental illness) need to be able to acknowledge when we are in a panic and our brains and our bodys and our minds tell us we need to do something horrible to get rid of this message or get rid of the feelings we have. But we know! And we know alone that these feelings, if we are nice enough to ourselves, will to pass. The always do right?
Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it. But you know you’ve seen the good side of having this. You know how truly smart, brilliant, beautiful, artistic, athletic and many other things that you are.
You know your brain, and your mind, and your body can and will do amazing things for you if you let it.
So please read this and know : You too Can and WILL get better if you be kind to yourself in times of desperation and despair.
In times that anyone and everyone would seek help.
Its not just you or me or that person, its all of us, together, learning, helping, being compassionate for one another, and …
You do not have to ever be ALONE anymore…
There is so many people who care for you and wish only good things for you. There is so many people out there that if you give them the chance will work hard to get you better.
You have to be open to possibilities, to taking chances (even though it seems like you can’t), you need to learn, listen, read, write, draw, paint, exercise, or whatever it is that makes you “tick.” Whatever helps you lose your demons and ultimately, we will SURVIVE.
We will thrive in this horrible, disease filled, greed filled, world. We will make it a world where we can do the best we can. We will come out on top because our brains are strong enough to do that for us. Maybe not always, but you know as I do, we can and we will do anything and everything we want in this life!
Please see a few quotes I LOVE as well as a few music and trailer links I think would be good to watch and/or listen to:
Some cool Inspired quotes:
Thanks for listening everyone,
Hope you have a wonderful day, week, month, and/or YEAR 🙂
Until Next Time,
“Lost in confusion, is love an illusion?”- Dori (I have loved this quote for a long time) – inspired – ode to my life